The Perfect Mother

I have written a lot over the last decade, but don't recall ever exploring 'mom' like I have below.
I share this in honor of and gratitude for ALL mothers. 


She scares me.
As I huddle in the corner on the floor of the bathroom, knees to chin, arms wrapped around legs, heart pounding wildly, she continues to grab chaotically at the door handle from the other side and shake it, alternately banging on the door, while, simultaneously speaking and screaming in a range that would have impressed even the most seasoned vocal coach. 
What she would have done exactly if she would have caught me I’m not sure. 
I had been chased around the house several times before by this madwoman, who a few moments before had been my mother, wielding a wooden spoon, the same disharmonious and cantankerous melodies riding in the air.
It was much more terrifying being chased than actually being caught by her.  In her rage she never managed to strike that well, which caused me to laugh hysterically, sometimes until tears came.  Although I’m not sure if the laughter and tears came from the absurdity of the situation, or out of nervousness, or shock, or from the pain when she did manage to land on target, or, maybe it was just terror. 
Probably, it was a combination of many things. 

As I got to my teen years I rebelled like crazy, got into alcohol and drugs and began to put on more weight every year.  It didn’t really occur to me that anything unusual had occurred in my childhood. I knew it got a bit out of hand at times, but it wasn’t until I went to have lunch with mom when I was several months pregnant with my daughter that I got a sense of just how bad it might have actually been. 

We were in the house I grew up in, preparing the food in the kitchen, when all of the sudden she went running out of the room.  Literally running.  I followed her path down the hallway, and then down a flight of stairs to the bathroom where I found her crying uncontrollably.  “Mom!” I said, “What happened, what’s wrong?!” 
“I am.... so.... sorry,” she said between sobs. “I treated you.... so horrible.”
“Oh, mom, it wasn’t that bad.  I mean, you know, everyone gets angry. It’s okay.” 
“I did awful things...to you.  Awful Things. I... am... so sorry.”
I consoled her the best I could, not really knowing what she was talking about since I didn’t have a lot of memories from childhood (which I found out later wasn’t so normal either).  I remembered those incidents of being chased, and the sudden angry outbursts, things flying across the room, thrown in anger, but they didn’t seem to warrant the overwhelming guilt that as of today she hasn’t been able to completely shake, even though my daughter is now twenty. 
After my daughter was born, stories began to slip from my grandmother’s lips. After at few glasses of champagne at holiday gatherings, the two of us would be smoking cigarettes outside, the presence of a toddler with some of my features triggering memories, in spite of efforts to block them.
“My God,” she said more than once, “It would get so bad, so horrible, that I would have to leave. I couldn’t stand to watch the things she would do to you.”
I never knew how to respond to that, and didn’t care for any more than the few details that came my way.  I wanted to move on. I wanted peace. I wanted closure.
I wanted to be a different kind of mother.

Some years back, when my daughter was about ten, a letter came in the mail from my mom.  She apologized again in this note, and then thanked me for being the kind of mother she wasn’t able to be.  She thanked me for breaking the cycle of cruelty, violence and abuse.
I am so grateful for her courage in her own transformation and healing.



During a healing session about four years ago, a time when I was experiencing a betrayal in another area of my life which left me feeling unprotected and exposed, I was guided by the practitioner to ask Archangel Michael to assist.  The response that came immediately into my mind was surprising,

“I would be doing you a disservice if I interfered.  I cannot take your karma from you, because within your karma is your dharma.  I would never take from you an opportunity of such tremendous potential and significance to your soul and to the world.”

This message resonated so deeply within, not just in regards to that present time challenge, but in regards to all impossibly challenging situations that had come my way.   There had always come with them a sense of a deeper meaning and opportunity.

Today mom is a wonderful support and friend. I am so grateful for her presence in my life. It has been a beautiful and humbling experience to be a mother myself of such a fiery, intelligent and willful child, which opened the door early on for great compassion for my mother.  I could see in moments of stress and overwhelm how easy it could be to give in to those inherited patterns, planted so deeply in the psyche that they felt like the ‘natural’ response.  I am grateful to mom for playing a role in my life which created ‘such tremendous potential’ for me today.  I don’t think she believes me, or understands me, when I tell her she was the mother that I needed her to be.  That I could not do what I do today, or be here in the same way, without that experience. 

These revelations of the perfection of the plan, that we really do choose our parents, that everything is of love and serves love, didn’t come easy, and they are not superficial spiritual bypasses.  It took tremendous patience and willingness, and inner work, to transform and get to the other side, and understand as an alchemist does, that every element present is used to create gold.  The appreciation and gratitude for the awareness that is here today has no price.  It is nothing short of spiritual gold. She truly was, and is, the perfect mother.


This song Angel’s Footprints was written about a decade ago,
in gratitude for all of our “angels of transformation”....

This is not the first time
we’ve met on this earth plane,

Mother, Brother, Sister, Lover
our souls remains the same

Wearing a mask of darkness
Wearing a mask of hate

Here’s the mask of the sinner
I’ll wear this one of the saint

At first I thought I’d been
trampled upon
But now that I know the Truth
I can see that I was wrong....

You were the angel, that helped me find my way,
Back to my power, back to my strength,
Back to my greatness, back to my faith,
You were the angel....

I bow to you today



In celebration of mother's day, consider the ways your mother was perfect for you, not necessarily in the hallmark greeting card fashion, (although that of COURSE counts ;), but in potentially developing the spiritual qualities of your soul, however that may be playing out.  If there are any judgements of the way mom “should have been” or “should be”, you may want to journal and work to own any projections, and also consider the possibility that you really did choose the experiencing of mothering that you had.  It could be no other way.
Life does not make mistakes.

Therefore, You do not make any mistakes.
All is Perfect.

In Gratitude
for Divine Mother,
for Earth Mother,
and for all beings who have chosen
to take on the awesome charge and
role of ‘mother’ on the earth plane,

Goddess Bless Us All!

Happy Mother’s Day,

Jaia

The 'First Supper' Experience

Blessings Beautiful Being of Bliss!

What a flow it has been and continues to be. The other day on Beltane I spoke with several who were feeling the May Day energy in a powerful way.  Feeling as if we have shifted beyond the inner cries of ‘mayday mayday’, even while many of us continue to be personally challenged with great change and uncertainty in the 3D.  We are so ever more aware of the greater Reality and this outrageous Divine opportunity we have all secured our front row seats for.  The event of not just a lifetime, but thousands of lifetimes, is upon us!  Can you feel it?

Some of us have felt it since we were children, knowing we were here for something great, something much greater than we heard anyone talking about.  Many times this inner sense was translated into a personal destiny alone, but it is a collective one, with our own personal mission part of something much greater than we could imagine.  Some of us feel ‘new on the field’ and have only recently begun to remember those undreamed of potentials and soul intentions which go far beyond working on the material level for what we 'think' is good, or 'think' is right, or 'think' period. 

After that radical inner shift many years ago which changed everything in my life, I began to wonder if there was a way to eat which would assist in maintaining this inner change.  Since I had struggled with weight for many years, eventually reaching 250 pounds, I knew just about every diet out there, but I was only introduced to living food as a full meal several years after, and immediately ‘knew’ it was the answer to that wondering.  I also find it interesting that those who initially eat a living food diet for health reasons report that they begin to experience a heightened spiritual awareness, without that being the focus.  That ‘first supper’ ;) was about ten years ago and in my further ‘experiments’ I have yet to find a way of nourishing the body that feels so much in alignment with spiritual qualities such as peace, wholeness, light, love, life, beauty, on all levels. 

In my own personal experience, and in leading online cleanses since 2008, I am still amazed to see just how much people shift when they experiment with this apparently radical way of eating.  It really depends on how you look at it though.  No longer getting annual colds or flu, or having to take pain medications, or live with 'incurable' diseases, or living on an emotional roller coaster, or not having a persistent lack of energy and mental clarity (ascension symptoms and clearing aside! ) IS a pretty radical way to live in today’s world.  The non-radical and normal way is to have a medicine cabinet full of synthetic drugs which often only help us to suppress symptoms which have many times been caused by our disconnection with Spirit, yes, and also our disconnection with the Mother and the numerous ideal plant foods, full of high level protein, carbs, fat, enzymes, amino acids, vitamins, minerals, structured water, fiber, etc, She has provided for us in Her wisdom.
What sounds radical now?

This is not the only answer to wholeness and healing, of course, but it is a significant part of the equation and many foods deemed healthy and natural are food that lack the living enzymes and basic structure created by Mother Nature and which are innately recognized by the body and the easiest to assimilate and use.

It had been mentioned at a raw food festival by a known breatharian ( one who sustains the body with light and cosmic energy and no longer needing food or water ) that there were approximately 40,000 people who were currently 'feeding' themselves at that level on the planet.  Many of those way out there are often under the radar, don’t have websites, etc. and while this number is totally unprovable and therefore here-say, in these times I wouldn’t say it is unlikely. This feels to be the direction we may be all going as we ascend into higher levels of being.

Still, for those of you not at the breatharian level quite yet, and not intending to go from a burrito, chips and salsa to sun-gazing tomorrow, below is an opportunity if you are in fact feeling called to up level and experiment with the effect superfood/living food eating has on consciousness, the Mother Earth, and potentially all areas of your life!

If the 'First Supper', or the Food of the Goddess, is speaking to your heart (and all of your beautiful light filled cells) let me know soon, we start on May 11th, next Friday!!

Blessings & Divine Apetit !

Jaia